Unspeakable Secrets

Miss you, I don’t know what summer it is. I just miss it, but I can’t draw any mood to recall it. About your dream, every time floating outside my window, but not a day, I can have you completely. Every time I wake up late at night, tears always pour out. Who am I thinking about? Is it you or an unfinished dream? Is it a dream or a past I have never owned? In these years, you and I have long been like the mountain and water of the world. You are still, still in the corner of the world, but I am constantly wandering, looking for comfort in the dream once and now. I remember sitting in the back row of you at that time. In order to know you, I kept looking for reasons to talk to you. You always turn back with a smile and deal with it with a few simple words, even if you answer me, then turn around and continue to do your own thing. I don’t know what you are thinking. Although you are always indifferent, I think your heart is very hot. Because, I can feel it, and it is still so clear. Everyone hides his own story. I don’t know why, I just like your story. The more I don’t know the mystery, the more I have to ask constantly. Maybe it is because of my sincerity, maybe we are destined to get to know each other, and the words between us gradually increase. I like watching you smile. Although I don’t laugh much, every time it makes me so excited. Since I met you, I have believed in fate. The next Wednesday is your birthday. You didn’t tell me in advance, or I found it accidentally. I want to surprise you or give you a present. Although this is not important to you, I still carefully prepared the secrets you don’t know, the secrets I don’t know, we always keep our secrets, never told each other. I am going to give you a secret, maybe you will find it soon, maybe, it is just a secret, never entered your vision, and never aroused your thinking. Words and communication melted everything, and our hearts began to get so tight. The heart that was far away was very close at once. I prepared a wishing bottle, spent an afternoon to discount 99 XINGX for you, and the small wishing bottle was stuffed full. The first gift for you is nothing special, but I am very attentive. You were obviously surprised when you saw the gift, because you said that you never had a birthday. But I can see that you are still very touched, because I saw your eyes wet by accident. A big boy is crying because of his touch at the moment, just a small bottle, somehow it makes you so excited. I think maybe what you care about is not a gift, but someone suddenly remembers to celebrate your birthday. That person is also the one you want to tell her most but didn’t say it. You have never said this sentence, but I am sure it must be like this. After receiving the gift, your expression was silly. You just looked at me blankly and said no words. Suddenly, a thank you came out, but you still looked at me stupidly. I look very embarrassed, but my heart is extremely excited. The eyes when you look at me make me feel that there is another meaning. The smile when you look at me makes me feel that the whole world is waiting for this moment. Thank you for your words, but I listened carefully. Unconsciously, I am always looking forward to saying a few more words from your mouth, I looked at the wishing bottle XINGX in your hand and thought that one day I would let you know the secret. That night, we sat outside the classroom and the whole world came to accompany us. As deep as night sky Black, the excitement of each other all faded into the Tianhe River. XINGX pieces were filled with chess games one by one. We watched chess without saying anything, just watching XINGX blink. When they went to sleep, we began to talk freely. You said a lot of words in your heart that night. I have never been close to you like that day. The willfulness that I have been sticking to is to hide myself deeply, but some emotions flow out to you to find out. The starry sky that night was full of XINGX, but I put them into the bottle and gave them to you together with my secret. You suddenly had a whim and wanted to write your wish in that XINGX. I began to be nervous and excited. Fortunately, my red face was covered up by moonlight, so you didn’t find it. You opened a XINGX piece and were about to write down your wish, but found there were words in it, one of my words. You smiled and said: there is not much paper to buy if you fold XINGX, I forgot all the words I wrote casually. I just laughed and said nothing. You have written your wish and restored the XINGX. I asked you if you want to write it again. You said no, too many wishes will be hard to come true. We started to sit and chat. I was a little disappointed, but I was very happy. I was always in a mood that I couldn’t say. All night, you either looked at the sky or the ground when talking. But I only look at you. That little XINGX is turning your world. Your hidden dependence, the loveliness I exposed, were completely impressed by that little XINGX. Maybe this should be the end of my memory. Because happiness never lasts long, you are still you, and I am still me, but I don’t know why, we are gradually walking far away. Once I was thinking about the reason, what made us suddenly go far. This sudden blow made me unable to breathe. Every time I approached you voluntarily and wanted to talk to you, you always hid from me, either making excuses to refuse, or just a few simple words. I know that in our hearts, no one can bear this sadness, but why can’t we make up, even if it’s just like friends? Maybe I made a mistake. We have always been friends. You have never said anything or made any promise. Everything is just me, a person’s fantasy. I kept praying to repair this friendship, but it didn’t help. Suddenly I feel that I have never entered your world. Just one day, I saw two words you wrote in my book when you don’t know: there are trees and branches in the mountain, and you don’t know the classical taste, it reminds me of your time again. I really want to cry, so close, but I have to pretend not to know each other. Maybe there is just a misunderstanding between us, which will be clarified one day. But as time goes by, misunderstanding becomes unspeakable regret. Which sea is Zeng Jinghai? Now the sea is still there, but you don’t know where to go. I haven’t found your news for many years. That night of that year really became the memory of the dream day and night. I often think of the past, but force myself to escape quickly, because I know that the past no longer belongs to me. You may never see me from now on, but you still have a secret of mine. I wonder if you still keep the wishing bottle full of XINGX wishing bottle? You opened XINGX that night, why didn’t you continue to split a few more? One me, one you, and another love in the middle, were only written on three pieces of paper separately. A full bottle, all written with these three words. Maybe, maybe, just once, the secret you saw will change us. However, only, time is not allowed to come back. The fate once believed is also destined. I hope your world still remembers that night. A bottle full of thoughts made me sad when I went back to the past. The thoughts I wrote down are already full of memories. Where are you now and where are you in the world? The love I gave will eventually be frozen in midsummer.

Zan (prose editor: prose online) Phoenix Mountain Spring Tour

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